June 2, 2011The Honorable Barbara Boxer United States Senate 112 Hart Senate Office Building Washington, D.C. 20510 The Honorable Dianne Feinstein United States Senate 331 Hart Senate Office Building Washington, D.C. 20510 The Honorable Karen Bass United States House of Representatives 408 Cannon House Office Building Washington, D.C. 20515
Dear Senator Boxer, Senator Feinstein, and Representative Bass,
I am writing to ask you to sponsor what could be the most important bill of our time: The Male Fetal Implantation Act.
As you have doubtless noticed, the last year has produced a flurry of bills and laws, local and national, designed to protect our nation’s fetuses and zygotes by restricting female choice.
Our helpful Republican lawmakers have worked tirelessly to make it clear that women cannot – and should not – be trusted to know their own bodies, or to make difficult decisions about how to deal with unwanted pregnancies, from the Indiana state law that requires a woman to listen to her doctor recite medically inaccurate misinformation to the attempt in the original wording of H.R. 3 (the “No Taxpayer Funding for Abortion Act”) to narrow the definition of rape.
I know exactly what you’re thinking right now: Have these bills gone far enough?
No. No, they have not.
There is still a remote possibility that a woman in, for example, South Dakota might be able take time off work and travel to see an abortion provider at the one location that is available in the entire state, make her mandatory visit to a non-certified partisan “pregnancy crisis center,” at which strangers who are not trained health care providers in any way will pressure her to go through with her pregnancy, wait her mandatory three days (plus the rest of the week, since there is no in-state doctor who performs this service and one flies in on a weekly basis), take time off work again to travel back to the clinic, and then actually manage to have an abortion.
I am in full agreement that it’s much better to have such an intimate and agonizing decision made for women en masse by objective, detached legislators who have never met them and thus cannot be influenced by learning about each woman’s unique set of circumstances.
But even when we get our nation’s laws up to those standards, there might be women who – for reasons beyond my understanding – feel that their own needs should be placed ahead of those of a blastula.
There are women who request abortions because they are physically unable to carry a pregnancy to term, and some who are simply unwilling to do so. And legally, we can’t just force these women to stay pregnant. (Yet.)
That’s where male fetal implantation comes in.
A woman who is determined to have an abortion (for whatever flighty, girlish reason she may have, probably some pop-star fad) will instead simply name the father and have the fetus implanted in his abdomen.
The man will then carry the fetus to term, and give birth via cesarean section.
As you can see, this would solve many problems in one stroke.
Some may object, citing the possibility that an unscrupulous woman might name a man who is not, in fact, the father of the embryo.
I feel, however, like overall this might be sort of a plus-side to the bill. Since men have been able to impregnate unwilling women for millennia, this would allow for an evening up of the scoreboard, as it were. Future legislators can certainly check in after a few thousand years, see how things are going, and make adjustments as needed.
And true, this will unfairly subject some – perhaps many – men to pregnancies that they had no willing part in creating. But as our helpful pro-life friends have made abundantly clear, this is not about choice.
Pregnancy is pregnancy, and fetuses must come first. I’m sure our nation’s men of childbearing age will be delighted to step forward.
Others with less vision and caring for our nation’s unborn children might point out that male pregnancy, while biologically possible, has a strong chance of severely harming or even killing the father. But we must ignore them and press on! If there’s one thing the current round of legislation has taught us, it’s that the parent’s health is immaterial, and surely the legislators who have come up with these bills intended that to apply for either gender.
I’m sure it would be nice if the men who receive fetal implants could get some sort of counseling or aid to help them deal with their new financially, socially, and emotionally demanding situations, but as you know, tough times call for cutbacks. Maybe some private donor can make up some “Attaboy!” stickers for them or something.
And after all, this is about fetuses, not babies or children.
And certainly not parents.
I look forward to seeing this bill move through Congress with ease, thanks to your kind and very moral sponsorship.