Posted by: Ali Davis | July 16, 2011

Huckabounty

(Looking for Books Against Bachmann? You’re just a post away. Try here, here, or here. Or you can just go straight to paperback or Kindle magic. Or you can just donate directly to Truth Wins Out and gloat in the comments! Still awesome!)

So my actual physical DVD and $50 in FREE GIFTS arrived on July 6, one month to the day after my order went through. I don’t know what that would have done to my 30-day trial period if I’d wanted to wriggle out of the deal, but I was too excited to see my next video!

…Which, I have been informed, will not even be available to view online until the 21st.

Either they really, really don’t trust their own customers to stay subscribed after seeing these things online, or they’re having even more production problems than I thought.

Am I… Am I the only person who has ordered these things?

Anyway, on to my $50 in FREE Gifts!

 

First question: $50 in whose dollars? It must be in one of those other countries who call their currency the same thing.

My friend was watching while I unpacked the whole shebang, and when I was done, she looked at me expectantly.

“So far I’m up to maybe 14 bucks,” she said.

Maybe Huck is planning ahead for inflation?

Let’s break down the magic.

Two, count em TWO, free stickers!

Note: I have not yet determined whether these actually stick on things. Nothing in the materials calls them “stickers,” so it’s entirely possible that what I have are two logos on shiny paper. They are just as delightful either way.

The Time Travel Academy backpack!

Help your children. Do not let them wear this to an actual school.

This item is more problematic, as it is actually called a backpack in the promos. If you were to call it a cheap burlap sack with strings on it, many people would be hard-pressed to argue with you.

But you’re probably only saying that because you haven’t seen the quality of the workmanship.

I believe you stand corrected.

I will hand this to Huckabee: It does seem to be a roomy gunnysack with strings on it backback. A kid can hold a lot of love for the right parts of American history in there.

“But wait,” you’re wondering, “Where will you eventually store all your DVDs? What if you want to absolutely destroy a party by bringing them all with you?”

Not to worry, thanks to the Time Travel Academy DVD case!

You're damn right I didn't take the plastic off. I know a collector's item when I see one.

Savor that for a moment. I’m pretty sure it’s the most valuable of my free gifts.

Pro tip: Want to make sure people heed your important safety warning? Write it in Comic Sans.

Maybe this is secretly clever? Like it's how Huck shows contempt for child-protecting government regulations?

OK. Hold on to your gold-leaf Reagan icons. It’s time for…

Time Travel Academy binoculars!

Kids! Put down that homework and go back to making sure the neighbors aren't Communists!

Let’s drop a quarter in there for scale.

They're tiny so they can fit next to your concealed firearm.

You may be wondering whether the binoculars actually work, or if that’s just plastic in there. Well, I tried them out. And by looking through them and putting them down and looking through them and putting them down and looking through them and putting them down I did eventually determine that they do sorta magnify things.

So there, cynic!

Also, Huck knows how to motivate American workers to take personal responsibility for their own success and always try harder!

Thanks, Huck!

Sorry to leave you seething with jealousy. I’ll make up for it with a recap as soon as I am able.

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